One more day I'm not proud to be an Officer
Oh yeah...it's one of those days.
Let me begin by telling you that I came into work and had to relieve the Snarftard. That in an of itself should be enough to let you know it's just not good. As I look at all my in custodies booking information I see that one female will be released on a citation that day for DUI and that she either refused to submit to a chemical test or had blood drawn and we wouldn't know the results of her blood alchol content until the lab analyzed it. It's a pretty simple briefing. Not for the Snarftard.
The snarftard has proven his slight touch of Autism is truly there and he just doesn't realize it. Good old Snarfy proceeded to tell me numerous times that the female would be released shortly. He must have told me about 3 times, in 3 different ways. "Yeah..she can go at 8:00" "The female? At 8:00 she can go" "Yeah..the female can go at 8:00" and so on. Now, as you may have noticed, my patience is already shot with the Snarfer, and having to hear him repeat himself is not a good thing. He then proceeded to tell me that the computers were down. Ok, I'm good with that. Until he started telling me repeatedly, over 14 times, that the computers are down. I actually interrupted him and said "I'm good, I got it" and walked away from him to a completely seperate area of the station.
HE FUCKING FOLLOWED ME INTO THE OTHER ROOM, REPEATING THAT THE COMPUTERS WERE DOWN MULTIPLE TIMES.
When his partner, the Weebol, followed him to tell me that the computers were down and that she had called our computer person I lost it. I said..."I'm not a fucking retard, I got it the first time. I don't need to hear it 18 fucking times." She said that she knew that, but the Snarfer hadn't mentioned that he had called the repair person. Good God. My blood pressure is now 200 over 150 minimum!
Eventually Snarfy and Weebol leave and I begin my shift...venting uncontrollably to my current partner who is actually competent! Ok...so I finally calm down and am able to function in a normal capacity. Then they arrested Ms De.
Oh yes...good old Ms De. Let me describe her for you in detail so you get the full impact. Ms De is a transient. She is a very dirty and smelly transient. She is almost 50 years old, a severe alcoholic, and did I mention smelly? She has decided that today, she will impress us all with a short, no make that extremely short, mini skirt...SANS UNDERWEAR. Oh yes...nothing better than a super short mini on a 50 year old transient with no fucking undies.
Okay, so that isn't the worse of it. Well, as soon as the arresting Officer brought her to the jail, I took custody of her. That basically means that I had to search her, take all property off of her, fingerprint her, ask her all sorts of questions about her personal self (medical, etc) take her photos, and lock her in a cell. We didn't get that far.
As I was in the process of searching the fabulous Ms De I noticed an extreme inability to function. I asked her the last time she had a drink and she said it was several days ago, so I knew it's not DT's. She was so unable to function as a normal person that I actually timed her. In order to remove her shoes it took over 15 minutes. Yes, that is NOT a typo...it took over 15 fucking minutes just to take her shoes off. What happens next is even better. I asked her to peel her socks off, so I could verify that she didn't have any contraband on her (drugs, etc...smuggled in her toes, etc) I timed it. At 10:13 was when we began. We finished at 10:18. Yes...FIVE ENTIRE minutes to remove her socks, wiggle her toes, and put her socks back on. Now I should mention that during my entire time with Ms De, I know she is not going through DT's and she has no other medical problems or conditions. I also know that she is not intoxicated on alcohol, or under the influence of any other substances. As I'm waiting for my computer to boot up, I'm searching her and asking her questions pertinent to her well being. Finally the computer is up and running and we're ready for fingerprints.
The fingerprint machine is a very sophisticated machine, and it's also not very practical because it's somewhat delicate. I prepared a little cloth with water in case our fabulous Ms De hasn't used moisturizer recently and she needed her hands wetted in order for the laser to read her prints. As I wetted her dry, shriveled, stinky-ass transient hands she bagan to hold onto the only moveable part of the machine, which is the most delicate also. I told her no holding on to the machine and put her hand on the wall right next to it so she could support herself. I managed to get her first palm print before she started shaking her head. Not normal either. Not an upset "no" type of shake...I mean she was unstable. I stopped printing her and held her upper arm, making sure I had a good grip on her and asked her what was going on and was she okay? She didn't respond and I repeated my question, calling out for other officers to come to the booking area. They did. Just not before she flat out collapsed. Thankfully, I was holding her upper arm and I supported her fall, not allowing her to crack her head on the floor. My partner didn't get so lucky. As she came rushing to the area, she got the full frontal view of the oh so lushious Ms De's pantyless crotch. AAAAAACCKKKKKKK!!!!! Okay, at this point, I am holding up a stinky transient who is flashing all my coworkers, while playing "limp" and not functioning. We call for paramedics.
Eventually the medics respond, and take her to the hospital. You'd think that would be the end, right? Oh nooooooooo.....I notice that everywhere the fabulous Ms De's ass has been, has little shit smudges on it. Yes. Shit. I had to get a biohazard chemical and clean the shit up. Yep...there are some days I'm just not proud to have my job. This is one of them.
Let me begin by telling you that I came into work and had to relieve the Snarftard. That in an of itself should be enough to let you know it's just not good. As I look at all my in custodies booking information I see that one female will be released on a citation that day for DUI and that she either refused to submit to a chemical test or had blood drawn and we wouldn't know the results of her blood alchol content until the lab analyzed it. It's a pretty simple briefing. Not for the Snarftard.
The snarftard has proven his slight touch of Autism is truly there and he just doesn't realize it. Good old Snarfy proceeded to tell me numerous times that the female would be released shortly. He must have told me about 3 times, in 3 different ways. "Yeah..she can go at 8:00" "The female? At 8:00 she can go" "Yeah..the female can go at 8:00" and so on. Now, as you may have noticed, my patience is already shot with the Snarfer, and having to hear him repeat himself is not a good thing. He then proceeded to tell me that the computers were down. Ok, I'm good with that. Until he started telling me repeatedly, over 14 times, that the computers are down. I actually interrupted him and said "I'm good, I got it" and walked away from him to a completely seperate area of the station.
HE FUCKING FOLLOWED ME INTO THE OTHER ROOM, REPEATING THAT THE COMPUTERS WERE DOWN MULTIPLE TIMES.
When his partner, the Weebol, followed him to tell me that the computers were down and that she had called our computer person I lost it. I said..."I'm not a fucking retard, I got it the first time. I don't need to hear it 18 fucking times." She said that she knew that, but the Snarfer hadn't mentioned that he had called the repair person. Good God. My blood pressure is now 200 over 150 minimum!
Eventually Snarfy and Weebol leave and I begin my shift...venting uncontrollably to my current partner who is actually competent! Ok...so I finally calm down and am able to function in a normal capacity. Then they arrested Ms De.
Oh yes...good old Ms De. Let me describe her for you in detail so you get the full impact. Ms De is a transient. She is a very dirty and smelly transient. She is almost 50 years old, a severe alcoholic, and did I mention smelly? She has decided that today, she will impress us all with a short, no make that extremely short, mini skirt...SANS UNDERWEAR. Oh yes...nothing better than a super short mini on a 50 year old transient with no fucking undies.
Okay, so that isn't the worse of it. Well, as soon as the arresting Officer brought her to the jail, I took custody of her. That basically means that I had to search her, take all property off of her, fingerprint her, ask her all sorts of questions about her personal self (medical, etc) take her photos, and lock her in a cell. We didn't get that far.
As I was in the process of searching the fabulous Ms De I noticed an extreme inability to function. I asked her the last time she had a drink and she said it was several days ago, so I knew it's not DT's. She was so unable to function as a normal person that I actually timed her. In order to remove her shoes it took over 15 minutes. Yes, that is NOT a typo...it took over 15 fucking minutes just to take her shoes off. What happens next is even better. I asked her to peel her socks off, so I could verify that she didn't have any contraband on her (drugs, etc...smuggled in her toes, etc) I timed it. At 10:13 was when we began. We finished at 10:18. Yes...FIVE ENTIRE minutes to remove her socks, wiggle her toes, and put her socks back on. Now I should mention that during my entire time with Ms De, I know she is not going through DT's and she has no other medical problems or conditions. I also know that she is not intoxicated on alcohol, or under the influence of any other substances. As I'm waiting for my computer to boot up, I'm searching her and asking her questions pertinent to her well being. Finally the computer is up and running and we're ready for fingerprints.
The fingerprint machine is a very sophisticated machine, and it's also not very practical because it's somewhat delicate. I prepared a little cloth with water in case our fabulous Ms De hasn't used moisturizer recently and she needed her hands wetted in order for the laser to read her prints. As I wetted her dry, shriveled, stinky-ass transient hands she bagan to hold onto the only moveable part of the machine, which is the most delicate also. I told her no holding on to the machine and put her hand on the wall right next to it so she could support herself. I managed to get her first palm print before she started shaking her head. Not normal either. Not an upset "no" type of shake...I mean she was unstable. I stopped printing her and held her upper arm, making sure I had a good grip on her and asked her what was going on and was she okay? She didn't respond and I repeated my question, calling out for other officers to come to the booking area. They did. Just not before she flat out collapsed. Thankfully, I was holding her upper arm and I supported her fall, not allowing her to crack her head on the floor. My partner didn't get so lucky. As she came rushing to the area, she got the full frontal view of the oh so lushious Ms De's pantyless crotch. AAAAAACCKKKKKKK!!!!! Okay, at this point, I am holding up a stinky transient who is flashing all my coworkers, while playing "limp" and not functioning. We call for paramedics.
Eventually the medics respond, and take her to the hospital. You'd think that would be the end, right? Oh nooooooooo.....I notice that everywhere the fabulous Ms De's ass has been, has little shit smudges on it. Yes. Shit. I had to get a biohazard chemical and clean the shit up. Yep...there are some days I'm just not proud to have my job. This is one of them.
posted by inside the police at 10:41 AM
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To serve and to protect...to break a brother's neck!
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